September 04, 2009

Aloha Friday- Death

Yes, I wrote the "D" word and yes I am going to be serious.
Don't leave.

The "D" word has been a big topic around my house during this past week.
I am not fond of it.

I am not fond of it one teeny, tiny bit.

I mean, I am not afraid to die myself. But I am afraid of leaving my loved ones. I am afraid I would miss out on so many wonderful, splendid moments.
Isnt splendid a great word? I should use it more often.

I am just not a big fan of losing people. Grieving is not on my list of "Things I like to Do".

I have thought alot about death during this week. I do not recommend it as it is not fun. At all.

Dying sucks.
Losing someone sucks.
Watching people hurt sucks.
The sadness.
The anger.
The denial.
All of it sucks.

But I will say this. I believe there is a Heaven. I believe that once we leave this world, we go to another world. A much better world. Where there is no hatred. Everyone is loved. Everyone is happy.

I picture all of the people I have lost having a great time in Heaven. I picture all of them looking down on me...and my loved ones. I picture them laughing hysterically when I do something like this. I picture pure happiness.

And I am not afraid to go there.

Because it is down here that we suffer when someone is taken from us.

So in times of sadness like my loved ones are experiencing right now I think of this.

That the person taken from us too soon is happy. He is loved. He is looking down. He is smiling. He is not suffering. And he does not want his loved ones to suffer over his loss.

How do you cope when you lose someone?

How do you help others who are grieving?

*It has been a rough week*

*In no way do I want to turn this into a religious debate. I am just curious to know how others cope during difficult times*

An Island Life

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Stacie said...

I don't really know how I cope. I guess it depends on who has just died. I still grieve at times for my Grandpa. I miss him so much. As for someone else I just let them know I will be here if they need to talk. I am not good at saying things on this topic as I am always afraid I am going to say the wrong thing.

I am Harriet said...

You gotta focus on the positive- how lucky you were to have that person in your life etc.

Have a great Friday!

Kim said...

I cope by leaning on my faithful friend Jesus. I help someone else cope by being there for them in the way they need me at that moment. Hang in there. Aloha.

Buffie said...

Personally I've coped just by believing that they're in a better place and that one day we'll see each other again.

As for helping others, I think just being there for them and letting them talk about it if they choose. That's all you can really do.

pam said...

I think like others, I believe they are in a better place and there is no suffering.

Jennifer said...

I am very sorry this week has been so hard on you. I try to remember the loved one and the good times. As for comfort, I am comforting my friend who lost her husband. All I can do is pray and be there for her.

AudreyO said...

Tough topic. I cope by allowing myself to do whatever it is I need. I support others by being there. By really listening to their needs. Mourning is a process that takes place over a period of time. It doesn't just happen overnight and we're back to normal. Time does heal us but time takes time.

Shelly said...

I personally take comfort in God's word and leaning on his promises. If someone I love has lost someone, I try to be a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.

Becky said...

This has been a word floating around our house this week too. Unfortunately. My sister delivered her 15 week gestation son on the first. (we had talked with her about adopting him if she decided raising a baby by herself was too hard). We had all started to get used to the idea and thinking it was actually going to happen. She made it past the first three months after all. And then went into unexpected labor and delivered his six inch self. She said his fingers and toes were just perfect. How are we making it through it? In reality...we are numb. We cry at the drop of a hat...and somtimes there is no hat around. We get hugs. People are praying for us and we are praying for each other. And I am picturing him playing with my son who has been in heaven for 13 years now. And you just keep taking things as they come. Step by step. One minute at a time. That is not my favorite D word. Although there is another one I don't like either that has seven letters. We don't like either one at my house and would love to avoid them both. But it seems they are part of life.

Heatherlyn said...

I haven't had very many people close to me die. But my grandmother died last year and I was close to her. I feel very comforted. I miss her a lot. But I just FEEL that she is still alive and happy, just not here. I do not believe that death is the end.

What is difficult is watching someone suffer in a long drawn-out illness. That is hard. I struggle with knowing what to do and say in that type of situation.

And I've never lost a spouse or child. I can't imagine how to fill that void.

sues2u2 said...

I too have a strong belief in a loving Father in Heaven & the fact that there is a heaven to go to. That being said, I still grieve for my grandparents & friends who are not by my side where I can hug & kiss them.

I'm so sorry about your week. It's pretty rough loosing someone you love.

Catherine @ The Blonde Diaries said...

It is so hard. I hate death and am really afraid of it all. There is just so much unknown related to it.

I try and cope the best I can. Usually it is just a lot of crying when it is a loved one who has passed. After I cry it out of my system I start remembering and reflecting on the good memories we had and try and move on as best as I can.

Becca said...

When someone I know is grieving, I just try to be there in whatever way they need. If they want to talk I listen, and if they want to be distracted by anything else I talk about everything else under the sun. I normally talk through my grieving and just remember whoever I am grieving for is now in a better place :)

Anonymous said...

I cope by relying on others. We've all lost someone. And I believe this life is just a small portion of the eternities; death is simply moving into the next part of our journey.

It's always difficult to know what to say to others. It seems that gentle, softly spoken words of comfort and encouragement do much, as do physical comforts such as bringing meals, watching children, etc.

Swoozie said...

It is extremely tough dealing with a loved one's death. My dad passed away 4 years ago and I still miss him so much to this very day. Sometimes I feel very sad that my dad never got to meet either of my children. This saddens me deeply. So~~~~~I try and try to remember how wonderful he was and all the special things he did for his family and it just makes me feel so much better! Keeping that persons memory alive in your mind, in your heart and even in your day to day life is a great memorial to that special person you've lost.

Take care of yourself.

Foursons said...

The only thing the person who is grieving can do is push through it. In time, the pain lessons. It never goes away but it does lessen.

The hardest part for me when my dad died was 2 months later the rest of the world had moved on and I was still stuck in my own personal hell. All the well-wishes, prayers, and sympathy was gone, but the pain was not.

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Hard topic and one I struggle with....

I love your blog name....Just blog hopping tonight

Hope you will stop by and visit my new Christmas blog. There is a great giveaway this week.

kailani said...

I've never lost anyone close before but I know people who have. I just let them know that I'm there for them if they ever need me.

~*Jobthingy*~ said...

how do i cope?

i dont well.

moomoo passed thurs. my heart is aching. i hate that i had to put her down. that guilt lies in me, eats at me. i know deep down it is what was best because she was suffering, and i ended the suffering. but to see her ill, to not be able to fix her with love and treats and cuddles is absolutely killing me. knowing she is not here when i come home hurts.

im a complete emotional wreck. i am not doing well. so, yeah.

Jenners said...

Oh Sweetie. I'm sorry for your loss ... as you know, I've had my own experience with death recently too -- losing my dad and now a good friend. It sucks. It is difficult to believe that they are gone ... in many ways, I think I'm haven't really grasped the fact that I won't be able to talk to my dad again. I may still be in the denial stage. It does help tremendously to have a belief in an afterlife ... I do believe that we do go somewhere so it is a comfort.

Losing my dad was the first time I lost someone really close to me so I'm finding out how to cope now. And I'm trying to help my mom too. I'm finding you just have go one day at a time. Listen to your body and rest when you need to. Don't shy away from your grief -- it needs to be gone through or it will just come out in another way. Having children helps ... or pets They live in the present and need you to take care of them so you are forced to function and keep on living. It helps to go through the rituals of death (like a memorial service or a funeral) to celebrate your loved ones life. But other than that, I'm new on this journey of grief. Wishing you good thoughts and sending hugs.