December 28, 2014

Get lost 2014

Wow.
To say I am shocked that people still read my stuff is an understatement.
Thank you for sticking with me after months and months of me standing you up....kinda sorta.

I am so effing happy that 2014 is almost over.  Next to losing my daddy in 2012, this year has completely sucked big fat hairy balls and can ride off into the sunset and be forgotten.
Just like jelly shoes....
....Milli Vanilli....
....and Rainbow Brite.

Dear 2014.
F U.
Love Me.

Despite the crappyness of the past 6 months, I have been told by many, many people that I seem more relaxed and happier than I ever have been.

I am.
Finally.

The truth is, I was living a life that I did not enjoy.  I tried my hardest to be the person I thought I should be.  I tried my hardest to make others happy.

But realized that I was not living the life I wanted.  I was not the person I wanted to be.  I was not happy.  It took a big fat punch to my gut for me to realize it, but, who cares now.  I realized it and acted on it because if I know anything after losing my daddy, it is that life is too fucking short to be unhappy.

*side note.  I did not get punched in the gut.  It just felt that way at the time.

Soooooooo........my plan for 2015?

To be me.
To find happiness.  I am already starting.
To live simply.
To love harder than I have ever loved before.  Myself and others.
To be a happy mom for my kids, even if it means saying no sometimes and teaching them that life isn't always rainbows and candy.
To get a job.  HA.

Amen  Hallelujah to new beginnings.

December 23, 2014

Yo

Yo.
Remember me?

I just spent many, many minutes trying to get back into this blog because I could not remember any of my passwords.  For a few of those minutes I thought that maybe this was a sign that I should just give up and let my blog go down in history.

But instead, I kept going.

Typing in every possible password I could think of until I had to prove who I was and make up a new one that I probably wont remember tomorrow.

Here I am.  Now what?  Where do I start?

My life is not what it was 6 months ago when I talked about horses and cats and Jersey the dog. In fact, it has completely been turned upside down into something I never would have predicted in a gazillion years.

I am surviving.  I take it day by day and consider every morning I get out of bed a huge success.  Yay me!  ((((group hug))))

I am still deciding if I should make this private so I can write my thoughts without fear of judgement and catty opinions, but, who knows?!

I have always considered writing a form of therapy and have wanted to return to this blog for months, but would not do so until some unfinished business was...ummmm.....finished. Instead of writing, I drove (and still do) to my therapist every week or two to spill my guts about my fucked up life. Finally I feel like I am on the right path for myself....for my sanity.

I am looking forward to happiness and joy.
I am looking forward to leading the life that I choose.
I am looking forward to finding myself.

But shit, it is alot of work.

A new haircut always helps.

June 05, 2014

That moment when I had a moment

Oh, Hi.
Remember me?  I'm the gal who started this ol' blog with the intent of documenting the moments in my family's lives, venting about those memorable moments and, well, crap..........life has just gotten in the way.

Is blogging a dying breed?
Are people just using facebook/instagram/twitter now?  Fill me in so I can keep up with the cool peeps.

Today as I sat here on the computer registering my kids for summer camp, something led me back here.  Maybe that means I am not ready to close this thing down.  Maybe I still have stuff to say.

Deep thoughts.......
Random thoughts.....

Who knows?

First lets talk about me.
HA
God, I am funny.

I have a freckle/mole thing on my body that I had to get checked out.
P.S.  Whenever I say "mole" I think of this scene.

On the way to see my doc I had a moment.
A moment that made me think about how things can change in a second.
I mean, if this "moley moley moley" turns out to be something not so great, my life will change instantly.  If it's nothing, that's frickin awesome, but I need to smarten my ass up.
Life is too short to sweat the small stuff all of the time.

I mean, holy crap.  I am 39 years old.  My children are healthy, happy and thriving.  They are growing more independent by the day and before I know it, they will be packing their bags and heading out into the real world.

I need to snap out of my "holyshitmykidsarelazy" mood and breathe in this time.

That was my moment.

And then I came home and Febreze-d their stinky shoes without cursing once.