January 17, 2011

True Story Tuesday

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I recently had a day.
You know...one of those days where nothing goes right.

It was actually the day of the stamp incident.

The same day. I mean, you would think after that fiasco, I would turn on my brain and continue my day with a clear state of mind.

Nope.
That wouldn't be me.

Soooooo....after making a complete fool of myself, I continued walking through the mall getting my shopping done.  I was browsing through Old Navy when I suddenly got a whiff of poop.

I looked at the couple close to me.
And the employee folding the $29 sweaters.

"I poot"  said Princess
"You did poops?"
"I poot Mommy"

I did what any classy, distinguished Mommy would do and bent over to smell my child's crotch.  That is right folks.  I did that.  Just as casually as you would expect any experienced Mommy to wipe their child's face with spit, I bent over and smelled my kids crotch.

I know.  You wish you were just like me.

I smelled poop.
I reached into my purse for a diaper and wipes.
Then realized I took them out when we went to the bank earlier.
And never put them back in.

Soooo.....I was stuck in Old Navy, surrounded by people without young children with my daughter who smells like shit.

Fun times.

Leaving the mall wasn't possible because I had more to do and had worked myself up to get lunch at the food court.  Walking to the exit out to the diaper and wipes sitting on my front seat wasn't possible because that would mean I would have to get our coats/hats/mitts on, find an elevator and walk to an exit far away from where we were.  Then we would have to walk out in the cold, snowy, messy parking lot and come back inside to take everything off again.

No thanks.

So I did what any smart, intelligent Mommy would do and walked my smelly child to Toys R Us to purchase a travel pack of bum changing items. 

Apparently they do not exist.

So I spent $17 on a travel package of bum wipes and a small package of diapers.
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I kept my smelly child far away from other humans fearing they would think we smelled like stinky bum and quickly took her to the washroom.
Opened the packages.
Took off child's pants.
And her diaper.

"Hahahahahaha.....no poot Mommy"

There was no sign of any poops.  Anywhere.

I am convinced the couple in Old Navy had tummy "issues" .  They owe me $17.






8 comments:

Shana said...

HAHAHA. Oh man, she must have been telling you that THEY pooped lol. Hilarious.

Gigi said...

LOL! And they let the little girl take the fall - shame on them.

Rachel said...

LOL! I'm with Shana, I think she was ratting out the gaseous couple!

Is it bad to admit that my son is four years old, has been potty trained since 20 months, and I *still* carry wipes with me out of desperate fear that something will happen and only publicly? ;)

Thanks for linking up... I totally felt your pain!

Jenners said...

I guess a crotch sniff doesn't do it ... you gotta LOOK INSIDE!!! ACK.

deepintheheartoftexas2 said...

I always look inside. Although, I have often sniffed in public.

I hope that couple was really embarrassed.

Kara @ His, Hers and Ours said...

This is my life. Seriously.

I have just sat and laughed my ass off through this..to the point of tears...and to the point my hubby just asked if I was on anything.

OMG.

Thanks for the laugh. I truly needed it.

Frugal Vicki said...

Ummmmmm, you are a far better citizen than me. Because I would have finished my shopping, got to the car or wherever, changed my daughter when I could find a cheap diaper and smear on the diaper rash cream JIC. Who gives a poot if others smell her. Heck, I may stinkie myself just because I could blame it on her.

Elaine A. said...

All I can do is this - :-D Thanks for the laugh!!