Since then there have been tears and just a constant feeling of brokenness, but not a good ugly cry.
Is it because I am in shock?
Relieved that he is no longer suffering?
Angry that he was taken so young?
I don't know.
What I do know is that I can barely get myself out of bed.
And thinking of my children without their Papa makes me sick to my stomach.
It is taking all I have to just put one foot in front of the other, when all I want to do is hide from the world.
Today Princess was playing with a motorcycle pretending to be Papa because that is what Papa loved to do so much.
I played with her.
But I really wanted to scream at God for leaving my daughter with just memories.
She deserves to know her Papa.
Not just remember him.
She probably wont remember him without us showing her pictures and telling her stories.
She wont remember calling him "Pops", having him put whipped cream on her nose.
She will never get to go for a ride on his motorcycle or nap with him in the trailer.
He wont see her graduate from preschool, elementary school, high school, university.
This is Hell.
Have you experienced loss like this?
Is there a manual telling us how to get through it without completely losing your shit?
Or will I feel like this forever?
It has been 9 days.
I miss my Daddy.
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