May 01, 2012

The time I posted random pics of my animals and talked about grief.

Hi.
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I am still breathing two weeks after saying goodbye to my daddy.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Repeat.
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I have sat in front of this computer many times over the last few days intending to write happy stuff.
Princess' fourth birthday.
My Mom's birthday.
My husband's birthday.
Our new trampoline.
The pregnant cat.
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But, I am not happy.
No matter how hard I try to go about my daily life, I am struggling.
Life will never again be the same and I am having a hard time with this.
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I am constantly thinking about the last 37 years with my Daddy in my life.
Poof.
Now he is gone and I am just expected to go on.
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But all I really do is try to bring myself back to when Dad was still here.
I force myself to think about things that happened throughout my life when Dad was with me, because it makes me feel better.
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When that doesn't work, I think about Dad in Heaven.
I picture him sitting with his parents, brothers, {and the rest of our loved ones} without any pain.
I picture him riding a motorcycle while listening to Lady Gaga. {he loved her}
I picture him eating a huge roast beef dinner and not struggling to swallow after every mouthful.
I picture him happy......
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...and sometimes that makes me happy.
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But I would be happier if he was doing all of that with us.
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*Thank you to everyone for your kindness and supportive words.
*Thank you for hanging in there with me as I find my way back to blogging.....soon I hope
*Thank you to the makers of NyQuil and Sleepeze for creating products that help me sleep
*Birthday/trampoline/Duke the Horse pics coming up soon
hugskisses



Live and Love...Out Loud


9 comments:

Foursons said...

You're doing just fine. One foot in front of the other.

Jill said...

HUGE ((HUGS)) ♥

edenhills said...

I'm so sorry for your loss and pain and grief.

Kris @ beyond the whiskers said...

Wishing you peace during this time. ((hugs))

Heatherlyn said...

Your black cat is beautiful.

You will find your way back. :)

Gigi said...

Sweetie, it takes time. Keeping you in my thoughts. xo

Ms POSH said...

I lost my father a little over a year ago and I'm still working on it. Thank goodness for the furbabies.


Have a great WW!
POSH

Jenners said...

I love that your dad loved Lady Gaga and rode motorcycles!! He sounds super cool! Just do what you can and don't worry about being funny or happy or whatever. Just be and keep on breathing. Hugs to you.

Laura Funk said...

New follower from www.wegotthefunk1.com.

Your writing style and your life seems similar to mine and I just love your blog! I am so excited to continue to follow you and your journey.

In response to the loss of your Dad. I am so sorry. It is one of the toughest things you will ever experience in your entire life and although it does not actually get easier, it does become less intense and you will learn to cope.

xoxoxoxo