March 25, 2010


So lets get deep today.
I am not good with deep topics.


We all have them.
Including me.
Yes, really.

I asked my husband this question

"If you could name one of my weaknesses, what would it be?"

Then I poured myself a glass of wine and prepared myself for the answer.

"That's a difficult one. But, since you asked.
I believe it is your apparent reluctance to speak your mind and just get issues off of your chest and dealt with when they bother you. I think you waste a lot of time stewing over things that bother you that I end up fishing out of you eventually.
You asked so don't hold this against me.... but if you do, let's talk about it as soon as I get home so we can deal with it.
Love ya"

And then my response was this

"*gasp* I will be giving you the silent treatment for the next 5 3/4 days!!!!"

Hahahaha. I make myself laugh sometimes.

So, yes, I have a weakness. I do not speak my mind and let my feelings be known. I know this about myself. I know this about my whole family as we tend to be "keep it to yourself until you blow up" kind of people.

Why am I like this? Why don't I break the cycle?


Well, maybe I do know.

Because I cant.

Because it is who I am. I want everyone to be happy. I don't want to rock the boat. I doubt my own feelings and try to convince myself that I really shouldn't feel the way I do. I am a woman. I am a woman born from a family who is just like me.

I don't like being this way. I don't want to hold my feelings in. But I also don't like arguments.

I really don't like arguments.

Unless I win.

I let my feelings brew in my brain until I hate the person and then blow up like an uncontrollable mental patient.

But then I feel better.

And I like the person again.

And tell myself I was an idiot to keep it all inside.


That's me.

I never said I was completely sane.

So tell me, is my family the only family like this and I just got lucky to be a member of the "Keep It In Till You Blow Up Club" or are there others like this?

And if you know of a cure, my husband sure would appreciate it if you let me know what to do.

Thanks muchly.

I bet MamaKat doesnt have any weaknesses.

*Have I mentioned there will be a giveaway here on Friday? Yes. Ok.

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Jennifer said...

Hmmm, this has never been a problem for me, but then I come from a long line of speak-your-minders. Of course that isn't always a good thing either.

And I chose the same prompt, but with a completely different outcome. At least your husband was honest.

Amanda said...

I hate being in arguments and I tend to hold things in until it all boils up and I have a severe mental explosion!

Stopping by from Mama Kats - great post!

Jenn said...

I have the same issue, especially with my husband - I avoid talking about what's upsetting me, because I know he'll get upset and I hate to see him that way! We're getting better though, I'm learning to talk about things as they come up, instead of keeping them all in till I explode! I'm also trying to teach this skill to my children NOW, so they learn that it's OK to talk about what they're feeling!

Life with Kaishon said...

At least he gave you a nice serious answer : ) Husbands are the best, aren't they?

Gigi said...

Nope not just you. I do the same.

Heatherlyn said...

I usually don't have that particular issue, although I've learned (with age and wisdom) to hold my tongue on the vast majority of things that bug me because they usually work themselves out on their own or I get a different perspective that changes my mind about whatever it is that bothers me.

My husband, when I asked him what my weakness is, without hesitating said: putting away laundry. :)

The Maven said...

I used to be like this, and now I'm a little less so. I still have my moments of not wanting to say what's on my mind, but those are fleeting for my own (residual) sanity. But a lot of it was recent. When Spawnling got sick last year, I grew a backbone not because I was angry, but because I realized life is just too short and too precious to be wasted on resentment. So now I just tell people when I'm upset or disagree. If I don't tell them, I realized, it's because they're not worth working things out with and I should probably let them go. After all, if I censor myself around people because I'm afraid of rocking the boat/what they'll think of me, are these really people I should be spending my time with?

That being said, I'm still a giant flake in about a million other ways. But you know that, because you read my blog. LOL xo

paige said...

I know a lot of people like this. I'm sort of in awe. I can't hold it in. I get it right out there as soon as it materializes.

Sometimes I wish I could hold it in more.

Great post!

Shana said...

You are not alone. I do it to a point but my hubs is awful at this.

Cecily R said...

I avoid confrontation at all costs. I HATE it. Even when I'm all alone and know there might be confrontation in an email, I don't want to open it. Sometimes I don't. I'm sort of pathetic.

Jenny said...

I am a member of the "Keep It In Till You Blow Up Club" too, but only with certain people. Like my husband for example I don't keep it to myself I go ahead and tell him how I feel because confrontation with him does not make me uncomfortable, but with everyone else I just stew.

Foursons said...

I am like this too. The one time I did speak up? That person hasn't spoken to me since. It has been a year now.

Melissa said...

That's my husband! My only cure is to poke and poke and poke until he finally busts! Although that is not always effective!

I am the opposite and tend to spew what is on my mind and heart immediately without thinking...which isn't always good either!

Have a great day!

Allison said...

Half of the time I speak my mind and the other half I am a hold it in until you blow up. I think speaking up usually works/ends up better. Sometimes when I blow up, I threaten to kill people and that usually doesn't go over very well! LOL ;) I think that is why one of my favorite quotes is "Speak up even if your voice shakes."
Love you post! Follower from Mama Kat.

Jenners said...

You crack me up.

And I tend to blow up instantly ... I'm not a grudge holder or a keep it to myselfer. I'm a "scream before I think" kind of person ... and that isn't great either.

dusty earth mother said...

I think we might be twins separated at birth. My poor husband, suddenly I'm screaming and sobbing about something I've been stewing over for days and he's like, "woah! how did we get here?!"

Glad to know I'm not the only one :-)

Visiting from MamaKat's...

Amber Page Writes said...

I am the exact. same. way. It drives my husband crazy. WHen he finds me glaring at him, he'll say "use your words," and then I'll know it's time to try to give voice to what I'm feeling.

But usually, I'm tongue-tied...

Krista said...

You just really wrote that about me, no? Probably would be the exact same answer my husband would give... That, and that I NEVER ask for or accept help...
You're not alone in your craziness!

Amy said...

I am right there with you - i hate confrontations and would rather just blow it off- but then the challenge is to not internalize and get an ulcer.