August 31, 2011

It starts with an D and ends with isappoint.

Throughout my many years of life, I have managed to disappoint myself more than any human being should in an entire lifetime.
Yay me!
Too bad you cant win money for competitions like this because I would totally kick yo ass.

There was that time I lost a special emerald ring in the grass.
Or that time I blew a giant bubblegum bubble just as the Principal walked up to me.
Or that time I fell for the wrong guy...
...over and over again.
Then there was my entire high school career when I felt the need to get everyone to like me and lost sight of who I was.
The year or two that I thought it was cool to safety pin my pants.
And listen to Milli Vanilli

God, I loved this song!

There was the time I didn't study for an exam and got a bad mark....
...more than once.
That time when I sent husband's very expensive leather snowmobile suit to be picked up by the thrift store people.  It was never seen again.
That was bad.
The time when I was 9 months pregnant and fell down a friend's icy outdoor stairway.
Or that time when I was 9 months pregnant when I stepped on Studley's toy and fell down our indoor stairway.
I know.  I am the coolest.

Now, as a parent, I find the disappointment has turned into guilt and I find myself questioning every single move I make because I am terrified that I am screwing up my children's lives.
I am afraid I am going to disappoint my kids.
Hence the need for happy pills and a therapist.
(I have never used the word "Hence" in my life so just go with it)
Somehow the thought of blowing a bubblegum bubble seems so small and simple.
And it kinda sounds like fun.
Alot more fun than screwing up my kids lives.
My therapist is young.  I am sure she will still be in business when my kids are older.


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Heatherlyn said...

Have no guilt! Parents who do everything "right" sometimes end up with children who grow up to be lousy adults and parents who do everything "wrong" sometimes end up with children who grow up to be wonderful adults. Go figure! Just do your best, pray like crazy, and enjoy all the moments (well, except for the fighting tantrum-throwing moments) because one day they'll all be in school. And then they'll all be grown up and moved out. It's such a trip you've just got to enjoy the journey--and take a few detours without the kids every once in a while to preserve your sanity.

Gigi said...

I think a lot of us feel that way; I know I do. I'm STILL worrying about screwing up my son and he's 16 - so that ship has pretty much sailed. I think we do the best we can and love them to pieces and pray - and that's pretty much all we can do.

Jenners said...

I am right there with you. I'm convinced I am warping my child every day.