April 05, 2013


Dudes. I promise not to write about my period for a few days.
Apparently people get all weirded out when we talk about natural body functions.
It doesn't bother me one bit.
Poop soup, pee, vomit, blood. I am OK with it all.


Jersey the Jerk is still the world's worst behaved dog.
Basically he does what he wants when he wants and is constantly leaving us picking up our jaws.
I am thinking of sending him away to a boot camp and not allowing him back here until he comes when called, stops mouthing, starts eating regularly, stops chasing cats....and leaves....and bugs....and air.
Oh yeah.
I wouldn't let him back until he allows his ears to be cleaned without showing his teeth and attempting to bite my hand off.
Jersey the Jerkiest Jerk in all of Jerkland.

on to other things.

* I would like to invent a full body waxing machine. I want to walk into a small, confined space and have my entire body waxed in 0.4 seconds. This plucking, shaving, cutting crap is wearing me out. As I get older, I just cant keep up with random hairs sprouting everywhere.

Too much information?

* I enjoy Michael Strahan
*  I am obsessed with wine gums.
*  Coconut oil rocks my world.  I use it on my hair, my dry skin, my kids dry skin, in my protein shakes and plan on using it to soothe my skin after inventing my waxing machine.

*  I ran a 10 minute mile! Then a 9.5 mile right after that.  Take that skinny bitches!  I will be joining your little skinny bitch club soon.

As soon as I stop eating wine gums and get rid of my unwanted hair.


Elaine Alguire said...

That's awesome on your 9.5 minute mile! Leave those skinny Bs in the dust, girl!

Foursons said...

Girl, you were FLYING on that treadmill!!! I have never run that fast. EVER.

My dog is worse than your dog. Yes he is. I promise. Has your house ever looked like a murder scene? Today mine did. And we are currently trying to rehome the monster.

Messy Musings said...

I would buy one of those body waxing machines!! Let me know when it's invented (and working safely).

Gigi said...

I read all of it, and comprehended it, I promise. But I'm stuck on this - what are wine gums?!

Anonymous said...

oh dear, wait till you start peri- menopause. Jeez, as if all the othe crap wasn't bad enough! Bad Jersey, showing dominance and aggression. Boy does he have his wired crossed. Is it just you or other family members too? Boot camp, now! By the way, he is snipped, right? If not, get er done, especially because he's being aggressive. Patty/BC

Beth @ E. lizard Breath Speaks said...

i guess the main thing i wish to do is give him some chapstick. ( :

have a great week.

The Lovely One said...

Pardon my ignorance, but what are wine gums? Is it some kind of Canadian deliciousness that they don't let us have here in California?

Nancy Claeys said...

Poor Jersey -- such a handsome boy, I'm sorry he's misbehavin'.

No topic is off limits for me -- life is real and I like how you describe yours!

Thank you for sharing at R5F this week dear. xo