June 15, 2010

Vent. Courtesy of Moi

Ok, lets get real.

Parenting is tough.
Sometimes it sucks.
Sometimes it is blissful.
When they are infants.....who sleep through the night and giggle when you tickle them.

Don't get me wrong.
I love being a mom.
But it isn't fun.
It is tiring.
Draining.
Tests you in every way imaginable.
Brings out your insecurities.
Your weaknesses.
And tests every ounce of patience you have in your body.

I admit it.
Sometimes I think about my life before children and how easy it was.
Sure, at the time I thought it wasn't possible to be more tired and stressed than working a full time job and having a home and dog to care for.

That would be Studley. Our first baby.
As your children get older and develop...umm..thoughts for themselves, things get difficult.
No longer will they wear what you lay out on their bed or eat what you put on their plate.
Instead they have to test their boundaries, make their own choices and argue every decision you make.
Every.Single.Decision.

They all of a sudden hate pasta after eating three plates of it last week.
Refuse to wear pants with zippers.
Learn how to use curse words in every sentence that comes out of their mouth.

I am so tired.
Of the constant battles that go on in my house.
Momma doesn't handle violence well.
Or flashing of private parts.

Some people are into that sort of thing, but not me.
Sorry.

Oh yeah, and a two year old who slaps me because I wont let her walk around the house with a toothbrush in her mouth.
Not cool.

Not at all.

In fact, I am admitting it right here, right now that my children are getting to me.
Some days I want my life back before children.
When I could come home from work, cook a meal I actually enjoy, eat it in front of the TV and then watch my favourite shows in my pyjamas until bedtime.

So shoot me.
And don't tell me you havent thought about it too.
Because I wouldn't believe you.

I am tired of being on duty all of the time.
I am tired of constantly trying to think of ways to teach my children right from wrong.
I am tired of trying to teach them respect, manners and independence.
Because I feel like it isn't working.
And I am fighting a losing {non -violent} battle.

I now believe Oprah when she says staying at home with your kids is the most difficult job in the Universe.
No paycheck.
No respect.
No time off.
Exhaustion.
Stress.
Emotional.

I am hoping that my paycheck will be appreciation and unconditional love by these little brats as they get older and realize how much I have done for them.

That's all I ask.

8 comments:

Shana said...

I just want you to know you are not alone and it doesn't mean you don't love them. It just means you are tired. I have one and it took us 12 years to conceive him but you know what it isn't all sunshine and rainbows just because he was hard to get. yes I am so thankful that we were blessed with him but I still get tired and overwhelmed and I just want him to listen or eat or not kick the dog or not hit me in the face. Yeah I totally get it.

Mama Gayle said...

I agree with the other commenter as well... I also had fertility issues and had to do invetro to get my first child. Then my second one showed up on his own:) So now I have 2 toddlers (ages 2 & 3, 11 months apart).
I find myself overwhelmed daily (hourly even)! I love my kids, but I also think about all the stress and HARD work it is to raise them. From the time your first child is born, that takes up every minute of every day.. You feel like you don't have your own life anymore.
Heck, my husband couldn't take it, he left us a year and a half ago! Some people just can't take the pressure of having young children!!
So be proud of yourself for sticking in there and doing it! Some parents just walk away or if they don't leave, they just pawn their kids off on anyone and don't care what kind of life they have!!
I tell myself everything will be ok, and I know I will look back when they are grown and wish for these days to come back:)

Elaine A. said...

I hope you feel a little better now that you got that off your chest! I know I do! I feel better that you said it for all of us.

If it makes you feel ANY better, I do believe they will thank you for it when they are older and revere you for teaching them right from wrong, etc, etc, etc...

I'm a little bit behind you as far as the ages of my kids so I kinda of look to you as a guide and I know it's going to get harder here soon (especially now that baby is mobile and all the sudden thinks she 'owns' the place and everything in it!).

But I also believe that someday I will look back and wonder what all the fuss was about. But that could just be me... ;-P

Diane said...

Two words...Amen,sister!

Jenners said...

You are not alone .. but I don't see how that really helps. It is hard hard hard. There isn't a day that I don't think about how "good" I had it before my Little One arrived. The only thing I can think of is "This too shall pass."

Gigi said...

It does get easier! I promise (as I am knocking on wood as mine is about to hit 16.....).

Whether you stay home with them or work outside the home - it is NOT easy - especially when they are younger. Yes, the older they get - you get different issues. But, when I have another adult tell me how wonderful he is - how respectful, how polite, etc. All that hard work (that doesn't seem to show itself at home sometimes) is worth it.

But you speak the truth (love you for that), even today there are still days when I fall into bed totally exhausted (mentally) and think back to those pre-child days....

Jen said...

I just want you to know that I totally understand this post. I have been feeling that same way.

Draea Lael (Rose) said...

As so many have already said, you are not alone. I believe that all mothers, whether they admit it or not, feel this way at least a few times every month. I have 4, whom I love dearly. None were planned, all are a blessing, but omg they know how to push my buttons. The best part of it all is when everyone that knows my kids tell me how GREAT and SWEET and AWESOME my kiddos are...I take a deep breath and say, yes, yes they are. Then I coyly follow up with "its a good thing they are so cute when they sleep..."
Just BREATHE, sister.
<3