July 15, 2011

Deep Stuff Gives Me the Heebie Jeebies, but I am going there........

Sometimes I wonder how much I should share of my life.
Sometimes I wonder if people will think differently of me or judge me after reading what I write.
But, I also remember why I started this blog in the first place.
I started it as my therapy.
My therapy.
If people are going to judge me or think differently because I am not perfect, then they don't belong in my life at all.
And shouldn't read my blog.

So I will share.
And you can accept me the way I am, or continue your search for someone who is perfect.
Good luck with that.

I see a counsellor.
Yes, I admit it, I am weak.
I am not the perfect soul that I wish I was.
I have my flaws. 

In my 36 years of life, I have experienced the greatest of sorrows and the greatest of joys.
During the last few years, I have come to realize that I am not unbreakable.  I have come to realize that finding coping skills does not always erase the damage.
Eating chocolate makes me feel better....until my jeans don't fit.
Drinking pop is yummy...until you get cavities.  And your jeans don't fit.

You just get to a point when you realize that your coping skills aren't working.

While talking to my counsellor, I have had a few "aha moments".
....I only think of making others happy, not making myself happy.
....I have lost who I am because I have been too busy taking care of others
....I have no flippin clue what makes me happy.  Just me.

Have you ever really thought about that?

What truly makes you happy? When you stop thinking about your children/husband/job, what do you do/want that truly makes your life enjoyable???????

Women give and give and give.....and give........until they forget who they are.
Or maybe it is just me.
And I don't know how to find a balance.
Am I the only one???
Please tell me I am not or I might end up moving in with my counsellor.


Aunt Crazy said...

Honestly, I think most people should see a counselor.

I also think you pulled the thoughts out of my head, especially when you said that women give and give until they lose themselves.

I've been there, I battled and clawed my way back to myself, alone, and it sucked, and it was hard, so very, very hard! I wish I had thought to seek therapy for myself during that time.

I hope you find yourself and your happiness!!!

Monica said...

I'm not sure why you consider seeing a counsellor as being weak. I think it takes a strong person to admit their imperfections and try to make them better. A weak person would just run from their problems or pretend they didn't have any.

And I can 100% guarantee you're not the only one. =)

Gigi said...

No, love, you aren't the only one. I've been looking around and trying to find some way of taking my life back - especially seeing as at this time next year I'll be packing my only one up for college.

Thank you for being brave enough to share - I think you'll find that a lot of us are just like you.

Stephanie said...

You're defnitely not alone. It's very easy to lose oneself--especially after having kids. Hang in there! I'm sure you'll find balance.

Anonymous said...

Enough said...couldn't have said it better myself! I think lots of us Mama's feel kinda lost, so thanks for putting it out there for real that we are never alone! :o)