January 25, 2012

Stuff I Dont Want In My Obituary

I am having a tough day.
No reason why. 
Other than PMS and hating the world.
But whatever.

Life stories.  We all have them.  We all have stories that we can never, ever let go of.
Yes, even me.

1.  I once fell when getting out of the tub.  Right on the sliding door track.  My yoohoo was black and blue for weeks.

2.  I once wanted to show my mom a cool way to go down the stairs by sliding and not bending my knees.  I fell, hit my back, knocked the wind out of myself and thought I was forever paralyzed.

3.  In grade 1, I told everyone, including my teacher that my birthday was December 4.  I remember losing sleep the night before parent interviews because I was terrified everyone would find out I lied.  I also remember everyone singing Happy Birthday to me...on December 4.

My birthday is May 13.

4.  I lost the emerald ring my Nanny and Grandpa gave me {when I decided to wear it to school secretly}.  In the grass.  Because it was 5 sizes too big.
5.  At a sleepover, I fell asleep before a few friends.  Apparently I dreamt about being She-Ra and talked in my sleep.

So what.

6.  I once got caught chewing bubblegum, and blowing the worlds biggest bubble.....by the school principal.

7.  I once picked our entire crop of, what I thought was green onions, only to be told they were not-yet-grown round onions.  So what.

8. On my wedding day, I felt the need to bring my purse in the limo.  My purse, with my wallet, our honeymoon tickets for Jamaica the next morning and all my ID ended up 90 minutes away in my dear friend's car.  My sweet Maid of Honour made the drive to get it so we could get on the plane at 4am the next morning. 

9.  I used to wear Polo cologne..
and roll up my pant legs...
and safety pin my pant legs.
I was cool.

10.  I used to tape myself singing, and planned on sending my "demos" to the music big shots.  I had myself convinced that I was going to be the next Tiffany
 or Debbie Gibson.

Don't judge.
I am only human.

Thanks to Google Images for the photos



John Deere Mom said...

We were separated at birth.

John Deere Mom said...

We were separated at birth.

christina said...

Ha, i love these! :)

Anonymous said...

I ditto John Deere Mom. Are you sure we aren't related? I laughed so hard at your little cartoon falling down the steps... I fell getting out of our tub and when I got to work my boss offered to "check out" my bruised hooha for me.... Ummmm thanks but NO THANKS!!!

OneMommy said...

Love Debbie Gibson! LOL. Seriously, still have the casette tapes in case one day my kids might want to listen to cool music...

Jen said...

This post was awesome. You are awesome.

Thanks for the laugh... totally.

What Gee thinks... said...

Your top ten are great! Loved the birthday mix up? The hook for me to read your post was the icon of the Polo bottle. I love, loved Polo growing up. Fun post!

Jenners said...

Love this list!! Don't feel bad about the tub … I once dislocated my knee cap sitting down at a picnic table. That takes some doing!

panamamama said...

Awesome list!

SUPAHMAMA! said...

OH MY! The illustration of falling down the stairs? HA-LARIOUS! I was snorting!!!

Foursons said...

I can't imagine why you don't want that in your obituary. *snort*

Natalie @ MamaTrack said...

These are so funny. I totally remember when wearing men's cologne was the thing to do. What were we thinking?