Dude, I am still alive.
I am alive as in breathing alive, not climbing up a mountain singing "hallelujah" alive, but whatever.
Basically, I am existing.
Don't say "aw" and "you poor thing", because, honestly, I think existing is friggin awesome right now.
I have recently come to terms with the fact that my life as a mother is changing.
My children have all entered into different phases of their lives and now Mommy has to catch up and just deal with it.
They don't need me as much.
They don't like me very much.
In fact, there are many times they hate me.
And instead of doing the ugly cry in the corner, I am learning (slowly) to just suck it up.
But fuck it is hard.
To all of you peeps who have infants and toddlers, enjoy every second, because when they get to their tween years it is a whole new game.
Its a shitty game where the rules change constantly and you have to find a way to stay ahead of your independent, stubborn, smart opponents (aka your children) before they kick your ass.
Shes not a tween yet, but acts like one
While dealing with this new change, I am also realizing that I have lost myself.
My life has been lived for my babies over the last 12 years and now (at times) they hate me and...well....that's hard for me because theyaremylife.
In my mind I am thinking......
"I have done everything for them and they don't even appreciate it?
Have I screwed up as a parent because they still hate me after all I do for them?
Is it hormones?
Am I a wimp?
I need to get a life."
But then I hug and kiss them and tell them I love them anyways and pray to God that they grow up healthy and happy because their parents adore them
Its a never ending battle in my head, which is probably why I'm a mental mess.
So where does that leave blogging?
I mean, its rare that I can take a photo of my kids without them covering their faces or running the other way.
I could write about all the reasons they hate me today or what caused the fist fight at 7am, but that might get boring......or not.....
I could write about all of the pretty crafts I make and house redecorating I do, but.....hahahahahahahaha......it doesn't happen.
I have irritable bowel syndrome that makes eating anything other than applesauce a huge pain in my ass....literally.
Maybe soon I will write about shit my big kids are doing.
Or Ike and Duke the horses and Jersey the dog.
Or poop soup, because that's one of my favourite topics.
What's new with you?