Today my kids fought. It is a usual event, but today they threw pizza pockets at eachother. Hold me.

Yo.
Guess what I just did?
I attempted to twerk in front of a mirror.
And it was not a pretty sight.

38.5 year old women who have birthed three children should never, ever twerk.

I am old.
And jiggly.

Group hug please.

*There is a stranger living in my house. 
OK, not really. 
The stranger is actually my husband who has been working for 3.5 weeks and only home to sleep.
Now, his schedule is back to normal and the family is readjusting to being "normal" again.

*Dear Children
This pisses me off.
And this too
Love Mom

*I think I hate Princess Kate.
Her flawless skin.
Her perfect hair.
Her classy wardrobe.
Her perfect body just weeks after having a baby.
Yep, I hate her. I bet she even looks good twerking

*How I look when my kids eat the last cookie

*Dear New Parents
Having a new baby is wonderful isn't it?  I know it seems difficult at times, but, just wait until that beautiful, perfect lil' human gets older and the hormones take hold of their brain and body.  Sorry to rain on your parade, but enjoy the coos and smiles now, before they turn into anger/tears and rage.
Love V

Send me happy pills please.
And send some for my hormonal kid too.

Happy Friday y'all!!!
It's been a bad day.
Feel sorry for me, k?

Linking up with a few of my faves

A Rural Journal

Best Moments of the Summer.....so far.

I wish I could tell you I am one of those parents who plans educational outings for her kids every day during summer holidays.
I wish I was crafty.
And fun.
And happy that my kids are home for nineeffingweeksstraight.

But I am not.

Let me rephrase that.

I love my kids.
I would be ecstatic to have my kids home every day if they didn't argue every .56 seconds.
But they do.
Which makes me want to drink 24/7 until I am so numb and out of it that I can sit in a lawn chair and giggle while they beat the crap out of each other.

FML.

Anyways........

we are 4 weeks into this Hell and there are a few memorable moments to share so far.

*Like the time daughter got 97428946967 mosquito bites and needed a constant high of Benadryl to stop the itch.

*Or the time our office/den wall looked like it was painted black overnight, but it was really just ants.


*Ohhhhh....there was the time we took Jersey the dog to the Holistic Vet and paid $314 for him to tell us to come back in three weeks.


*And the time I lost my shit on one of my kids because he was making the most annoying noises ever.   *That time Cindy the Pony came to live here and was thisclose to pooping on my foot. That was fun.

*There was also the day that Princess Kate had her baby boy and it totally brought me back to the day 11 years ago when we welcomed our 8+ pound little Prince.
Except I didn't have to greet the media and millions of excited humans 24 hours later looking all awesome with perfectly styled hair, a pretty polka dot dress, cute little empty uterus and blemish-free skin.
{Instead, I was still fat, full of zits, major bloated in the face, had unkempt hair and the darkest under eye circles known to exist.  Whatever}

Hmph.

And how is your summer going????