.........

The other day I was..umm..kinda yelling at my kids because they were wrestling.
I smiled, because I imagined my father sitting beside me.
He would have said sarcastically, "Why don't you have a few more kids?" and then he would have giggled at his humour.

Last week I was in the grocery store and saw a freshly baked Boston Cream Pie.
I smiled because I remembered how much my daddy loved them.

Today I was remembering how much my dad used to hate cats.
Then, all of a sudden he loved them.
So much, that he and mom had a few at home that I think he loved more than me.
I smiled.

On Nicholas' birthday last week, I remembered my daddy standing outside the birthing room waiting for his first grandchild to be born 12 years ago.
He was so excited.
And nervous.
And fell madly in love with his grandson instantly.
I remembered dad "inspecting" Nicholas and how he was completely in awe of his perfection.
I smiled.

A few weeks ago I drove my father's pick up truck.
It still smells like him.
I tried to smile, but I couldn't.

Because he isn't here today, on what would have been his birthday.

Happy Birthday up in Heaven, Daddy.

MamaKat

Discussing Esophageal Cancer

It was the summer of 2010 that I knew something just wasn't right.
My dad had recently lost his brother to cancer and just wasn't himself.
I chalked it up to him grieving.
He was the last one left in his immediate family.

His younger brother had passed away the year I was born in a horrific accident.
His mom passed away in her sleep at the young age of 60 or 61 when I was just a kid.  {I must check on that}
His father passed away 20 years ago due to complications from emphysema.
And now his older brother was gone.

He was the only one left.
He was quiet.  He didn't have much energy. 
I can remember going for a boat ride that summer and sitting beside him as we pulled the kids behind on the tube.
He said that it was very upsetting that his brother was missing "all of this".
He was gone too young and now he was going to miss out on so much life.
So many moments.

I agreed and thanked God for keeping my daddy here with us.

That weekend my daddy took a 3+ hour nap in mid afternoon.
And was still exhausted.

I remember the exact moment, sitting in the lawn chair at the lake, knowing something wasn't right.

That was the beginning of what I now consider theworsttwoyearsofmylife.
Dad was diagnosed with bronchitis and given puffers to clear it up.
It didnt go away.
More puffers.
No change.

Months later they found something on his lung.

But he also had issues swallowing.
He could swallow but the food just wouldnt go down all of the time.
He had pain in his chest area.

When the doctors tried to biopsy his lung, they realized that his esophagus was very narrow.

Yeah.
Shitty.

Lung cancer.
Esophageal cancer.

Source
My daddy was sick.
And I was sick knowing that my daddy was sick.   I became an expert about this horrific disease. My husband's father had passed away of the same cancer, believe it or not, so, sadly, our previous experience with the monster was not good. I hate esophageal cancer. Hate. Hate. Hate. I found blogs. I read the research. The prognosis and treatments.   April is Esophageal Cancer Awareness Month and I beg you to get yourself familiar with it.   It is the fastest growing cancer in this part of the world, yet most people know nothing about it. Please think about what youre putting into your body. Your esophagus is a fragile organ. Like everything else, we have to take care of it.

Symptoms of esophageal cancer Heartburn
Difficulty swallowing
Inability to swallow solid foods (eventually liquids also)
Pain with swallowing
Food sticking in esophagus
Weight loss
Regurgitation of undigested food
Vomiting blood or passing old blood with bowel movements   The saddest part is that most people dont have any symptoms until the advanced stages.  By the time my dad and my husband's dad knew something was wrong, it was advanced.   I will say this, though. My father knew something wasnt right, long before anyone else did, but he just kept it to himself and crossed his fingers that it was just "nothing".   Prevention is the key.   Preventing esophageal cancer   Dont smoke.  For eff sakes, just dont effing smoke. Avoid or limit alcohol.  That shit is poison to your esophagus.  Mix it with tobacco and it is the perfect concoction to damage the esophageal tissues. Damaging the esophageal tissues=BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get treatment for your heartburn if it happens often.  Stop eating stuff that causes heartburn.  Do whatever you can to prevent it.  Popping the antacids does not solve the issue! Go to the doctor the first time you have problems swallowing.  Like, immediately.

    I know all cancers are horrible, but, when your loved one cannot even drink water, it is just.........the worst thing ever. When they rely on feeding tubes.....the worst ever. *sniff* {pass the tissues}   That is my speech for today.   Thank you for listening...err....ummm....reading.   hugsandsmooches      

I effing hate cancer.

Aside from the fact that my daughter, husband, mom and other friends and loved ones were born in April, this month totally, completely sucks rocks.

I effing hate April.....except for a few dates.

You see, my daddy had cancer.
We lost him to Heaven last April and I am struggling to smile and get through this month as we celebrate spring, birthdays etc etc.
Because I miss him so much it hurts.

April is Cancer Awareness Month and many volunteers will be out and about selling daffodils.
Daffodils are flowers.
Daffodils are pretty.
I like to say daffodils.

Please buy some.
Or buy a daffodil pin for every single coat, purse, bag, article of clothing you own.

Purchasing these helps to support the ongoing cancer research that one day will cure this horrible monster.

I effing hate cancer.
I hate that it took my daddy.
I hate that it took my husband's dad, who, believe it or not, had the same cancer as mine.

Both of our fathers had esophageal cancer.
I have noticed that many U.S states have declared April, Esophageal Cancer Awareness Month but haven't noticed much attention given to it here in Canada.
Lets change that.

Throughout this month I plan on sharing my opinions/thoughts/experiences on esophageal cancer as I now consider myself an expert.
Kinda.
Not really.
But my family experienced it and I don't want anyone else to, because it...well.....ummm.....was exceptionally shitty.

Yeah.

Now go buy some daffodils.
And then buy some periwinkle esophageal cancer merchandise and display it so we can get the word out.

{found on Pinterest}

Kthanksbye