.........

The other day I was..umm..kinda yelling at my kids because they were wrestling.
I smiled, because I imagined my father sitting beside me.
He would have said sarcastically, "Why don't you have a few more kids?" and then he would have giggled at his humour.

Last week I was in the grocery store and saw a freshly baked Boston Cream Pie.
I smiled because I remembered how much my daddy loved them.

Today I was remembering how much my dad used to hate cats.
Then, all of a sudden he loved them.
So much, that he and mom had a few at home that I think he loved more than me.
I smiled.

On Nicholas' birthday last week, I remembered my daddy standing outside the birthing room waiting for his first grandchild to be born 12 years ago.
He was so excited.
And nervous.
And fell madly in love with his grandson instantly.
I remembered dad "inspecting" Nicholas and how he was completely in awe of his perfection.
I smiled.

A few weeks ago I drove my father's pick up truck.
It still smells like him.
I tried to smile, but I couldn't.

Because he isn't here today, on what would have been his birthday.

Happy Birthday up in Heaven, Daddy.

MamaKat

Lung Cancer Awareness Month.

Word up, peeps.
Guess what month it is?
It is Lung Cancer Awareness Month, which means it is time for me to get all "lecture-y" and tell you all about it and how much it sucks ass and how much it has affected my family and how much I want everyone in the world to stop smoking and how much I want harmful chemicals to be replaced with roses and lemons mixed in with a little bit of vinegar.
Wishful thinking?
Maybe.
But I will keep wishing until I can no longer wish.

My daddy had lung cancer and I cannot stress enough how horrible it was to watch him go through it.
My daddy passed away April 17, 2012.
It will be forever known as the worst day of the 365 days in the year for me.

This is a picture of my Daddy as a young boy.

I know. He was the cutest.
This is a picture of him as a {young-ish} man.

Still the cutest.
I know.
He should still be here.
Lets talk about this monster that took him from us way too soon.

Most of the world believes that smokers are the only people who will get lung cancer.
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo wrong, my friends.
The truth is, that the rate of new lung cancer diagnoses in people who have never smoked is rapidly increasing.
No one gets a "free pass" with lung cancer.

Exposure to harmful chemicals.
Hereditary factors.
Second hand smoke.
Air pollution.
Any of the above affects most of us, which means that we are all at risk.
And if you read the statistics, it is effing scary.
Maybe next week we can discuss them.

But in the meantime, be very aware of the air you are inhaling.   Feel free to share any info about lung cancer in the comments section or on my Facebook page. The more info/stories we can get out there, the better.   P.S  I miss my Daddy.

Lung Cancer Bites

Brace yourselves.
Here we go again.

Remember?
It is Lung Cancer Awareness Month.
I am going to keep talking about it until everyone knows all about it...
...how it affects those who love the people who get the horrible, horrible disease...
...how it completely, totally sucks ass.

Excuse my language.

My children, in their young, short lives have experienced loss more than most adults four times their age.  We have had the "Doctors couldn't make him better" discussion so often that they can now predict exactly what will be said.
They seem to understand death, heaven and angels, but it doesn't make the pain any less...ummm...painful.

So I had this idea.
I would get my kids to talk about it.
I wanted their own words.
I wanted to see if I could talk about it without getting all verklempt.  And, as you can see from these videos, we are all dealing with this grief crap very differently.....

....humour......


....and complete sadness with some anger added in....


And then there is me who still imagines her Daddy's voice....his smell....his raspy laugh and sometimes "speak before you think" humour. There is me who still thinks he is away and will be back for Christmas.
I call it denial.
It's working for me so far.

Don't smoke please.
Don't allow smoking in your house.
Inform everyone you know that lung cancer is a monster who takes away the best people ever from their young grandchildren.   My apologies for the depressing stuff lately.....just trying to get the message across. Group hug. Smooches.