Boys and dirt and I am the worst parent ever. Dont judge

Ya, so I have two boys.
OK, my husband had something to do with making them, but we haven't seen him in 10 days because he is working 15 hour days for 1 month straight.
So, as of right now I have two boys.
Do you know how effing hard it is to keep two boys busy? 
My daughter can go draw pictures of rainbows and unicorns for hours on end, but, my boys......they cling to me like bloodsucking leeches, not knowing what to do with themselves.
Or they fight.
Or they cling to me while fighting with each other and I have no way of getting away.

Hell.

So, recently I did what every expert parent would do.  I sent them across the road in the construction area where there is lots and lots and lots of mud and a selection of ginormous machinery.
So what.

I told them I would take pictures to document how lucky they are to have a mother who encourages them to play in the mud.
They totally fell for it.
And I enjoyed having my personal space back for just 10 minutes.


Confession.
When we saw a construction worker, I told the boys to get out of the mud before he saw us.
I had visions of the newspaper article about the "Mother and Children Arrested for Trespassing", so I totally pretended that they weren't allowed to be there.
Parent of the Year right here, folks.
Where is my award???
They were a tad confused.
I was a tad amused at myself for being such a terd, but whatever.

Instead, the boys popped wheelies in the driveway and made the best facial expressions I have ever seen in my life.

Like, really.
Have you ever seen anything so awesome?


Me neither.

Boys in Goggles.

So, it has become a yearly event to take pictures of my boys wearing swimming goggles.
Why?
I don't know.
Because it is so unbelievably cute and funny I guess.

I mean, really.
Look at this.

Cute and funny, right?

Ten Reasons Why I Love These Photos.
Just because.
1. They have their arms around each other without any punching, pinching or hitting involved.
2. They were captured at my favourite place in the world.  The family lake shore.
3.  A smile.
4.  And a funny face.  Very typical of each child.

5.  The ears.  OMG!
6.  Pure joy.
7.  Exactly 32.5 seconds after these photos were taken, one pair broke and I got yelled at for buying "cheap goggles".  Whatever.
8.  Natural, spontaneous poses make me so giddy I could squeal.
9.  My kids are handsome.
10. My kids are still kids and sometimes I need to see photos like this to remind me how precious these years are and how important it is to breathe in the little moments.

The 3 week birthday celebration that tired me out

Yo.
This gal is pooped.

This past weekend I came to the conclusion that my children are spoiled.
I always had an inkling that we were making their lives a little too perfect, but this year, it is a for sure deal.
The boys celebrate their birthdays 2 weeks apart.
Why husband and I thought it was a good idea to make babies that would be born in the dead of winter, I don't know, but it happened so now we have to deal with our limited choices for birthday parties.

{longest sentence ever}

Anyways, to make a long story short, their special days were celebrated over 3 weekends.
Gift opening on the actual day.
Then Medieval Times with a friend each.
Then a family party.

Fo realz.

Spoiled.

Rowdy aka middle child aka Matthew aka 9 year old aka one spoiled kid



True story.  He almost did the ugly cry when he opened up his new work boots to wear around the farm.
Then he wanted to wear them to the mall.
And out for dinner.

Messy aka oldest child aka Nicholas aka 11 year old aka another spoiled kid aka pre-pubescent tween
(hold me)




Medieval Times aka very expensive night out




{Ike and Duke could totally get a job there}

{We were on the blue team. We lost horribly.}



Family Party aka the time I took just one photo because I was tired of celebrating.
Don't judge.


Next year, they get a frozen pizza and ice cream cake.
Maybe........


Hosted by Cecily and Lolli

Pass the booze.

"No offense Mom, but you have a huge zit on your chin."
"No offense Mom, but it looks like you ate a hippo for lunch."
"No offense Mom, but you embarrass me."
"No offense Mom, but you look like a hobo dressed like that."

Aren't {almost} 11 year old boys fun?

Excuse me while I go bang my head against the wall while rocking back and forth with my thumb in my mouth.

Parenting Problems

My kids would fight over the air they breathe if they could find a way.
They are special.
"I was breathing the air first."
"I was using that air before you."
It's really kind of funny for anyone who doesn't live with them 24/7.


One time I will videotape it without them noticing and post it here for you all to see, because it really is a talent of theirs.
I am convinced that they will each run their own successful business because they are excellent at debating/arguing/proving themselves right/not listening to anyone else.

Yay kids.
Please buy me a lakefront cottage when you are rich and successful.

Anyways, I have a problem with this parenting nonsense and was hoping that maybe you could help a tired, old girl out.
The boys are two years apart.
Actually 1 year, 11 months, 2 weeks apart if we want to be specific.

They are both at the age of having friends over to "hang out"
Hang out=play on the computer, eat every single snack in the cupboards, drink an insane amount of juice and make a huge mess.

This is all fine with me, except for one thing.
8 year old wants to play with 10 year old and his buddies when they are over.
10 year old wants 8 year old to stay as far away as possible.
Fighting happens.
Mean words are exchanged.
Tears flow.
My tears, actually.

Because I understand both sides and am failing huge as a parent because I cant get them to find their happy place and all just get along.

I have used the famous Rodney King quote {"Cant we all just get along?} so often that the boys actually say "NO" before I spew it out of my mouth now.

So, I have to ask.
How the heck do I solve this parenting problem without drinking in my bathroom?
Don't tell me to play with the 8 year old to keep him busy because he wont do it.
Mom is not fun when there are boys in the house to play with.
And don't tell me to get 8 year old to invite his friend over at the same time because it doesn't always happen.
I try, though. 
I even yell out my window, begging any living creature to come to my house to entertain 8 year old boy with big brother attachment issues.
But we live in the country, and the only creatures that hear me are the coyotes.

Thank you muchly for your suggestions.
I owe you each $100 for therapy.Group hug. 

My Kids are Dorks

As I struggle to survive the summer with three brats at home, I am trying my hardest to appreciate the small things.
Even when the boys call their sister to the kitchen so they can run and take her seat on the sofa.
Even when my daughter calls her brothers "ball sac" just because they giggle.
The easy going routines.
The day trips.
The laughter.
The fights.
The silliness.
The attitudes.
The things they say/do as each child tries to figure out who they are in this huge, unpredictable world.

I am trying.
Struggling.
Enjoying

Because I know all of these little moments will be big moments as I remember them in the years to come.



I love that even though my boys fight every flippin' minute of the day, they are still the best of friends.


I love that they love to be silly and their funny personalities are noticed by everyone around them.


I love being the Mom to these two goofs.


But I could do without the attitudes.
Hold me as I try to survive the next 10 years.