Mealtime Battles...or not.

Call me laid back or stupid, but I don't believe in battling my children for control.
Sure, there is much I can do to express my opinion and inform them of right and wrong, but I know that trying to control them will only end up in a blubbery mess.
blubbery mess=me in tears, children in tears, no one listening to each other

They are responsible for their decisions.
They are their own person.  Who am I to try to make them someone else? That is just a losing battle that will make my kids hate me. And me hate them.

I believe in consequences.
Everything leads up to a behaviour and from that behaviour a consequence occurs. Good or bad.

Does that make sense?

I am not going to get too behavioural here but this is really just a long way of saying that I do not force my children to eat every bite of their dinner if they choose not to eat it at that time.  I do not force my children to sit at the table until their plate is clean.  I do not sit at their side with a fork full of food trying to coerce them into eating it because then, um, who has the control?  I do not feed my children because they wont do it themselves.

I just inform them that if they decide not to eat it, than they are not allowed to have any dessert or treats.

I also inform them that their bedtime snack will be their dinner.

No battles.
Just matter of fact.
And they make the decision.
Notice she is bathed and in her nightie.
Eating lasagna.   I could say "BOOYAH" right now, but that would mean I think I won the non-existent battle. Mommy-1 Princess-0 *cough*

 

Parenting Problems

My kids would fight over the air they breathe if they could find a way.
They are special.
"I was breathing the air first."
"I was using that air before you."
It's really kind of funny for anyone who doesn't live with them 24/7.


One time I will videotape it without them noticing and post it here for you all to see, because it really is a talent of theirs.
I am convinced that they will each run their own successful business because they are excellent at debating/arguing/proving themselves right/not listening to anyone else.

Yay kids.
Please buy me a lakefront cottage when you are rich and successful.

Anyways, I have a problem with this parenting nonsense and was hoping that maybe you could help a tired, old girl out.
The boys are two years apart.
Actually 1 year, 11 months, 2 weeks apart if we want to be specific.

They are both at the age of having friends over to "hang out"
Hang out=play on the computer, eat every single snack in the cupboards, drink an insane amount of juice and make a huge mess.

This is all fine with me, except for one thing.
8 year old wants to play with 10 year old and his buddies when they are over.
10 year old wants 8 year old to stay as far away as possible.
Fighting happens.
Mean words are exchanged.
Tears flow.
My tears, actually.

Because I understand both sides and am failing huge as a parent because I cant get them to find their happy place and all just get along.

I have used the famous Rodney King quote {"Cant we all just get along?} so often that the boys actually say "NO" before I spew it out of my mouth now.

So, I have to ask.
How the heck do I solve this parenting problem without drinking in my bathroom?
Don't tell me to play with the 8 year old to keep him busy because he wont do it.
Mom is not fun when there are boys in the house to play with.
And don't tell me to get 8 year old to invite his friend over at the same time because it doesn't always happen.
I try, though. 
I even yell out my window, begging any living creature to come to my house to entertain 8 year old boy with big brother attachment issues.
But we live in the country, and the only creatures that hear me are the coyotes.

Thank you muchly for your suggestions.
I owe you each $100 for therapy.Group hug. 

Present

I did something today.
I made a conscious effort to listen to my children.
To give them my full attention.
Sadly, I let myself get caught up with the everyday chaos of living life and then realize at the end of the day that I did not give my kids all they deserve.
Me.
They deserve their Mommas attention.

So I gave it to them.

I pushed my almost 4 year old daughter on the swing and giggled with her as her tummy tickled from going so high.
I played basketball with my two boys and even acted a little goofy.
OK. Alot.
Oldest child told me all about his school day.
I listened.
Middle child told me how to play the game "Grounders".
I told him how I used to play Tether ball and Orange Crush.
He rolled his eyes.

Whatever.

I need to do this more often because sometimes I forget just how much they need their Momma to be "present" in their lives. *sniff*

How do you keep a balanced life?
Are you "present" in the lives of your children?

Try it out. It is fun.


Hosted by Cecily and Lolli

I am old. Just ask my children.

Remember when you were young and knew everything about everything and thought your parents were old, didn't know anything and were out of touch with what is cool?
Yeah, I have hit the olddontknowanythingoutoftouchwithwhatiscool stage and it is great fun being made fun of by my children.
Apparently the song "Sexy and I know it" is the best song ever. To me, it just looks like a bunch of party animals shaking their jewels.    

And this is a pretty good song too but is getting "old" don't ya know? To me, this guy has a really annoying voice after you hear it over and over again.
 Apparently it is cool for 7 year olds to wear droopy pants with plaid boxers hanging out at the top. And it is funny to see how many gummies you can stick in your mouth before Mom notices. Farting is a skill. And belching is great fun while sitting at the dinner table. Wearing gloves and hats is totally for little kids.......until they have to stand outside to wait for the bus.  Calling each other a "bastard bitch" makes sense. Teaching your sister to say the a-word makes all of your friends laugh. Signing out a super cross magazine from the school library because there are pictures of women in bikinis is totally fine....for a 7 year old. Giving the argument that it is OK to stay up until 930pm on a school night because then you will love me tomorrow makes total sense...to a 9 year old.  I am still baffled.  Minecraft is the greatest game ever invented and all 9 year old children should be allowed to sit at the computer for 24 hours at a time building crap out of bricks.If 9 year old children are not allowed to do this, then apparently their Mother is old, mean and are not allowing their children to learn valuable skills.Because maybe they will be designers, architects or high paid engineers when they grow up. A pretty genius attempt at convincing the Mother that she knows nothing.Except I know something. I need the computer to blog.

More pictures I will be displaying at her wedding.

"Princess, what are you doing down there?"
"Nuffin"
"It is quiet.  Everything OK??"
"Yep-e-dee-doo-da"
*walk downstairs*
"I doin nuffin Mom"



Parenting tip number 7395686529.
When children tell you they are doing "nuffin", they are really doing something.

I am sure this Mama knows that.

I Need More Happy Pills to Survive the Next 10-15 years

Because I feel the need to share every stinkin detail about my life on this ol' blog, I must tell you that apparently I am the worst Mother in the world.

My kids tell me this often, and, because I am so mentally f^%$ed up, I am starting to believe it.


Parenting can suck it.

The reason I am such a horrible person is because I have not allowed my 9 and 7 year old babies to start up their own facebook account. I have not allowed them to be introduced to an open forum for weirdos and bullies and stalkers. I have not allowed them to spend hours upon hours wasting their time. And, most importantly, I have not allowed them to see what their Mother talks about.

Another reason they want me to eat rocks is because they do not have an Ipod Touch, their own laptop and a TV in their room. Excuse me while I go make myself barf in the toilet because I am about to sound old, but I never had any of those items when I was 16, never mind 9 or 7 years old.

The kicker is that all of their friends have these expensive gadgets.

Yes, I will say it again.

All of their friends have these frickin expensive gadgets.

Have I been living in a bubble or is the Universe going to Hell because I just cannot believe what I am finding out as I meet my kids friends??
Did all of my kids friends parents win the lottery so they could afford this shit?
Did I miss the memo that the stores were giving away free electronics to young children who cant even wipe their own ass yet?

Someone fill me in.
And then tell me what I should do because this parenting crap gets harder and harder every year.

Go ahead.
Discuss.

Maybe this gal has the answer

Momma aka The Infant Knowledge Expert *cough*

I am a mother. To three children.
I have conquered the land of Infantdom. The land of no sleep and alot of crying.
I have conquered the unknown world of Toddlerhood. It was a rough place but we all barely got out alive.

I am currently making my way through the huge city of SchoolAgedville and it could just prove to be the toughest place yet. I compare it to a dangerous crime-ridden city, where there is alot of attitude, bad words and violence. So far, I am making it through but we still have a long way to go.

Please pray for me.

As I have made my way through these deep, dark unknown destinations, I have learned alot. So I wanted to share my findings with you newbies close to buckling in and going for the drive yourselves.

First of all, I am praying for you.

Lets start with the Land Of Infantdom.

After coming home from the hospital, you may feel euphoric. You have just pushed a human being out of your vajayjay so you should be very proud of yourself. It was a huge accomplishment. Your milk likely hasn't come in yet so get one last look at "The Twins" before they become painful and engorged. They will never again look large and perky. Kiss those days goodbye girlfriend. Before long they will look like deflated balloons.


Secondly, you are probably very tired. Exhausted is a better word actually. Well, get used to it because you will not sleep again for the next 18 years. Sorry to rain on your "Yay is Me Parade" but a full nights sleep will not exist until your children are grown and out of the house. But by that time you will be middle aged and not sleeping due to hot flashes and bowel issues, so, well...........yeah, deal with it.

Thirdly, everything you ingest, your new baby will ingest. If you drink coffee or soda, be prepared for an over-stimulated (also known as "wired") baby. If you drink milk, be prepared for many poop soup explosions (out of your baby, not you). If you like spicy food, GOOD LUCK with that. Let me know how it goes. So for the length of time you breastfeed, you will have to eat crackers, drink water and just look at tacos and burritos.


The life of a new mom is wonderful isn't it?

It is OK to cry. Hormones are raging throughout your body and your body is going haywire. Yell at your husband. It is OK. He will understand.

Your baby will cry alot.

Usually during the night when everyone else is sleeping. Do what I did and cry too. Or eat chocolate. Alot of chocolate. But just remember your baby will get chocolate through your milk and you know what chocolate does right? It keeps you awake. Uh huh. It is a cruel, vicious cycle.

Remember the days of putting your shoes on and going out to the mall just for the heck of it? Those days are over. You will now need to get up before the sun rises to shower, eat breakfast, get dressed, get baby fed and dressed, pack a diaper bag, get baby in the car seat. Oops....poop soup explosion alert. Baby has just dirtied his/her clothes and your clothes. Now you have to start all over.

Last but not least, bring baby into your bed, cry, eat chocolate and enjoy every possible second that he/she is this tiny, because it does not last long.....


You are welcome.

*This post was originally written 2.5 years ago and I never did give my Toddlerhood advice.  Stay tuned.*

MamaKat probably didnt need any parenting advice

Parenting Advice Needed. Thanks Muchly.

Hockey.
Soccer.
Karate.
Baseball/T-ball.
Skateboarding.
Cooking.
Swimming.
Day Camp.
Basketball.

The boys have done it all.  The money we have spent on sports and activities for our children makes me want to scream.  The fact that they hate it all makes me want to do the ugly cry, sit in a corner and rock back and forth.

The boys do not enjoy any sort of organized activity.  They do not enjoy any sort of team sport.  They hate it all.

For years, middle child cried, screamed and held on to my leg whenever he had to participate in an activity.
The moments watching him lay on the ice crying for 30 minutes still gives me the shakes.
And the many times he sounded like a tortured animal in the swimming pool still brings tears to my eyes.

-2007-

Now they just flat out refuse to join any sort of..well..anything, and it upsets me.

The exercise.
The socialization.
The time away from the TV and computer.
The time listening to someone other than their Mom and Dad.
The friends they could make.
The possibility of becoming a rich, famous star so they could buy their Momma a new car.
Or house.
And the fact that I know that they would both excel if they just tried...and stuck with it.

The swimming is a non negotiable.  They know that it is something they have to continue until they grow gills but the rest....I just don't know what to do.

Do I wait until they find something themselves?
Do I force the issue and continue to spend loads of $$$ on things they hate?

Help a Momma out here.

Boys and a Trampoline.

The boys want a trampoline.
Badly.
They want a trampoline so badly that they are actually behaving themselves.
And they are doing things around the house to show us that they are "responsible" and "mature" enough to own a trampoline.
Just like they said before we got Ike and Duke the horses.  They haven't shown much interest in Ike and Duke since they walked off the trailer, into our barn.

But, apparently this trampoline is different.
They want it so badly that they "dream about it".
They even said that it would keep them busy so they wouldn't get on my nerves.

Imagine that.

Having children who play together outside all day jumping on a trampoline together.
Taking turns.
Laughing.
Because they are all responsible and mature...and stuff.

I am totally going to play this up until December when it is too cold to have a trampoline.
Momma needs a foot rub.
And a clean basement.
And children who get along.

Natural Consequences

I don't pretend to know what I am doing when it comes to raising children.
In fact, I would be the first person to tell you that I have no clue and feel like a failure many times every day.
I have learned not to take advice from everyone...and not to give advice to other parents because every family situation is different.
The dynamics are so drastically unique that there is no parenting "strategy" that works for everyone.

Except love.

I know.
Complete mush coming from a person who is not mushy at all.But just look at them.I can't help but release a bit of my "inner mush" when it comes to my kids.

I will tell you this.

I am a huge believer in Natural Consequences.

Basically it means that something happens (consequence) in response to a behaviour that the child/adult has displayed without any involvement from another person.

Make sense?

I may not know how to sew or cook gravy, but I am an expert at allowing my children to learn from their own actions.

I also like to call it "blocking out" and "picking my battles".
Is the issue something that I want to battle out with a stubborn, bull headed child or can I let it go and let them learn themselves?

Example.
Princess hates wearing jackets and must, at all times have her sleeves rolled up.  It drives me crazy, but if she wants to walk outside in the frigid weather without a jacket, I know she will realize that it is friggin cold and will want her coat in approximately 14.2 seconds.

Lesson learned....and I didn't have to spend 10 minutes arguing about it beforehand.

Another example.
Middle child loves to kick balls as high as he possibly can.  It has always been a fun thing for him to kick them on the roof.  You know where this is going right?I could have spent months/years sitting him down giving him the speech about not kicking the ball so high.  I could have lost my mind yelling about it. But instead I allowed him to kick it high enough for it to get stuck on the roof.And I didn't get it for him. Lesson learned.  "If I kick the ball on the roof, it might get stuck and then I wont have a ball to play with." I do not hover over my children.
I do not interfere with their growing independence.
I allow them to make mistakes.
I allow them to learn from their actions/mistakes.

Because life is about behaviour and consequences.
And Mommy isn't going to be there forever to warn them and make it all better. But Mommy will always be there to love them no matter what.

*Obviously natural consequences only work if it is safe.  I would never allow my children to run out on the road or put their hands under hot water.  That would be just stupid.  Natural consequences are also logical.  Just saying.

I Have Entered the Gates of Three Year Old Hell

Let me give you younger folks a bit of advice.
When you see pictures of newborns and how squishy and adorable they are, I know it makes you want to have one.
The tiny fingers and toes.
The baby smells.
The silky soft hair.
It all sounds so tempting and perfect.

These adorable little creatures eventually grow up.
To the age of 2 years 11 months.


This, my friends, is the age when you wish you could send them back to the Heavenly place they came from.
This is the age when you wish you could send them to SuperNanny for awhile and have her send them back as well behaved, non moody young Angels.

I think I am living in Almost 3 Year Old Tantrum Throwing, Screaming, Screeching, Demanding Cookies for Breakfast, No Napping Hell.It is a scary, scary place.
I hope I make it out alive.

Finding Balance in Your Life as a Parent

Two words.
Not.Possible.Sure, I could give you a big speech on how to put yourself first and do things you love. I could tell you how to get help from others and take turns babysitting the neighbourhood brats so you can get out of the house.
I could tell you to hire cleaning ladies and admit to yourself that it is OK to have unfolded laundry. I could even tell you to make lists, use coupons, prepare weekly meal plans and give your kids chores.
But I wont.
Because none of it works and no matter what you do to balance your life, shit always happens and the balance doesn't exist.

You're welcome.

Check out Mama Kat's assignment subjects this week.  I am sure her life is perfectly balanced.

waiting for the calls.......

Damn you Supernanny!

And Jillian!

And Maks!

None of you have called.

My children are out of control. They cut their stuffed animal's hair just for the fun of it. They hide bags of Oreo cookies under their beds. They pee outside. Write me awful notes.  Not to mention the fighting, cursing, showing their privates to each other, throwing Play-Doh at the ceiling to see if it will stick and playing soccer in the family room.  Supernanny...I am waiting for your call.  And when I get it and do the ugly cry over the phone, please feel free to admit me to the psych ward at the local hospital while you work on my children.  I want strong meds.  I want sleep.  I want quiet.  I want my sanity back.  I want my children to be angels when I come home.

And Jillian.  Why arent you here with your attitude and harsh words forcing me to get on the treadmill?????  Instead, I wait for your call filling my face with animal crackers and cheese.  I blame it all on the Supernanny.  If she called and whipped my children into shape, I wouldn't be so stressed and emotional.  I would want to exercise while my children played nicely together and told me how much they appreciate all I do for them.

Maks.  I am waiting for your proposal but apparently you are too busy with that tall blond chick who danced with you on that show.  Pfft.

Or you heard about my misbehaved children.


Go see MamaKat here.  She is a pretty funny gal.  Ok, she is frickin hilarious! 
And......one of her prompts this week was inspired by one of my posts.  You can see that post here.

Ladies Man

Lets talk shall we?
I have a son.
He is 8.
He is girl-crazy.

At 8 years old.

My 8 year old son hangs pictures of women in bikinis in his playroom.
He also has a few girlfriends.
All of them are older than him.

He makes them gifts like this.
It is a bracelet made from a hair elastic, safety pin and plastic gem.

My girl crazy son writes his girlfriends letters.
And writes "I want to kiss ________" on paper that he leaves laying around the house.

Yes, really.

He is 8 years old.

So be a friend and tell me how I am supposed to handle this situation without losing my cool and locking him in his room until he is 27.

Thanks.

Santa threats

I love the Christmas season for many reasons.
The decorations.
The smell of the fresh tree.
Giving gifts.
Receiving gifts.
The meaning.

And being able to use Santa threats.

I know. Shame on me for not being a parent who can control her rambunctious children the "regular" way, but instead resorting to the threat of calling Santa.

But it works.

And if it works, then continue as long as you can.

That is Mommas motto.

Feel free to use it.

The Santa threats start right after Halloween and continue right up until bedtime on Christmas Eve. When my children are beating the crap out of each other, I pick up the phone and start dialing Santa's number.

You know? The special number that only Mommy's and Daddy's have so they can fill the Big Guy in on their children's behaviour.

When my children are cursing at me, I walk over to the computer to email Santa's elves to let them know that they can stop making toys for Santa to bring to our house.

I know.

I am a mean mom.

But it works.

For about 10 minutes.

Disciplinarian I am Not.

If I haven't mentioned it thousands of times already, parenting is hard.
It is friggin hard.
If I knew how hard it was going to be, I probably would have just become the crazy dog lady or something.
But I wanted little babies to love and cuddle and kiss and smell.
Who knew that they would grow up and require more than the boob and a soother.

Ugh.


I am learning that as my children get older, the discipline needed is much more sophisticated and complex.

A simple, stern "No" just ain't cutting it anymore.
Time outs get laughed at.
Yelling gets laughed at.
Sending them to their bedroom means more time to play without interruptions.
And no snack means nothing because they snack all day anyways.

Pigs.

When I had a paying career, I "specialized" in behaviour. We had specific programs that explained how to deal with tantrums. We had specialists come in and show us what needed to be done to decrease the frequency of a particular behaviour.

And it usually worked.

My children do not fit anything I ever did in my paying job.

My children are unique.

Different.

They think out of the box.

And know how to push Mom's buttons.

My creativity is drained because I am just trying to get through the day without downing a bottle of vodka. I am trying to survive the next few hours before I pass out from exhaustion.

Thinking about ways to extinguish inappropriate behaviours is not up there on my list of "Fun Things to Do". Especially when I am cleaning the kitchen for the twelfth time of the day and keeping an 18 month old off of the book shelf.

{how do you like my big words? Pretty swell huh?}

I have tried the calm "discussions" with my children explaining what they did and have come up with ways to prevent it from happening again. Didn't work.

I have ignored "bad" behaviour hoping that not getting any attention for it would stop them from ever doing it again. Didn't work.

I have taken away privileges. Didn't work.

I have let them know when I like their behaviour hoping that attention for the good behaviour would make them want to continue being good. Didn't work.

I have yelled. Alot. Doesn't work.

I have played with them non-stop hoping that alot of attention would keep them from misbehaving. Nope.

I have given them stickers. They don't care about damn stickers.

Have I mentioned I have yelled?

The most creative I have gotten is pulling out a piece of paper and a pencil and had them write lines. They let me know how stupid it was and that it wouldn't keep them from being bad.

I have also had them write a letter to their teacher for being rude while I was on the phone with her. I found out they threw it out and she never got it.
Hmph.
So, I guess what I am saying, is that I am not overly creative and have children who get a big thrill out of misbehaving.

Tell me what worked for you because I am ready to break out the vodka. And rum. And mouthwash.

Click here to see more completed assignments. It is always tons of fun!

Another thing I said I would never do

Co-sleeping
Giving my baby a soother
Giving them candy
Letting one child use Pull-ups until the age of 4
Using the television as a babysitter
Telling my children to "Leave me alone"

I said I would NEVER, EVER do those things as a parent. Uh uh. No way.

But I have. Many, many times.

I knew it all before having children.
I was an expert in parenting because I spent 6 hours a day one-on-one with children for my paying job.
I knew it all and wasn't afraid to share my opinions with others.

Because I was right.

Always right.

I knew children. Because I got paid to be with them.

Shame on those parents who gave in to their children because they were tired.
Shame on those parents who let their child do things that could get them hurt.
Shame, shame, double shame on those parents who lost their temper because of the whining and tantrums.

I knew that parenting was easy and fun. Just follow the parenting books and it is simple and common sense.

Don't ya know?

I said I would never, ever buy my child a "leash". How could any parent buy their child a harness and walk them around like an animal?

I will let you know tomorrow when I try it out on Princess.

This baby-making Momma is done.

Two and a half years ago I had baby fever. I wanted another baby. I didn't feel finished. I wanted to enjoy a pregnancy. I wanted to relax and look forward to another little one to love and care for.


Two years ago I was pregnant. I had acne. I was fat. I worried about everything. I was constipated. I wasn't sleeping. I was hormonal.

But I was excited to have another little one to love and care for.

The pregnancy part sucked.

I know, I know. I should say that I loved every second of it and it was a magical time of my life. I should say that carrying a baby inside me was the most wonderful time of my life and I enjoyed every feeling.

It was magical.
I was blessed.

But I was never happier than having my new baby girl outside of my body.

And now, 18 months later, when I see pregnant women, I want to hug them, I want to tell them that as uncomfortable as they are at this time of their life, it is all worth it in the end. I want to buy them chocolate and tell them I know it is tough right now but soon they will have the best gift they could ever imagine. I want to tell them that eventually they will sleep....and poop.


I want to tell them that they are blessed.


But I wouldn't tell them that I never, ever want to be pregnant again.