Bacon

I love {turkey} bacon.
So should you.
I love it even more because there are so many ways to include it in your life.

Instead of butter, mayo or mustard, try putting some Baconnaise on your sandwich.  Crap, just get a spoon and eat it by the mouthful.


While filling your face with Baconnaise, wash it down with some bacon flavoured vodka.


And when you're done, clean your teeth with this stuff. I am sure it doesn't taste gross at all.


I am buying my bacon loving husband some of this for Christmas.  So should you.


And I am going to put a bacon dress on my list this year.



Do you think they will eventually make it for "Real Women"?


This is perfect for the kitchen when you're expecting guests and you want them to think you prepared your children a real breakfast instead of cold Pop Tarts


Beer and chocolate covered bacon=Heaven in my mouth


WANT!


I bought myself two pairs of jeans yesterday but couldn't find a belt I liked.
Until now!!!!


You're hungry now right?
You're welcome.
I accept bacon as a tip.


All pictures courtesy of Google and Etsy.
Go buy some!

I bet MamaKat loves bacon too

Randomness

I have nothing for today.  My mind is blank...err...should I say full of random nothingness.
I will post random pictures that have nothing to do with this post just because.

Here goes.

I am in potty training hell.  itwillbeworthitintheenditwillbeworthitintheenditwillbeworthitintheend


I spent four hours at the mall with all three of my children today.  I deserve an award and a huge paycheck.
Things that happened during my four hours of ummm....bliss.
*Princess went to the potty 3547483 times
*Rowdy tried on 47902357 pairs of shoes
*We ate unhealthy food
*Messy and Rowdy got into a wrestling match in the shoe aisle and I told them I would "smack their buttocks and embarrass them even more than they are embarrassing me"
I have never said that before
I turned around and laughed at myself
*The boys found a small football in...um...the shoes aisle and threw it.  The employee almost caught it. 
I was embarrassed
The boys were terrified
I turned around and laughed
*All three children asked for new hermit crabs 4629 times.  I said no 4629 times
*Middle child wears a size 7 men's shoe.  Hold me.
*One child told me that he had the "best time ever"
*I needed a drink when we got home


Can someone buy me one of these please?  


Took the kids and Studley the stinky dog for a walk tonight.  Nothing makes my heart happier than seeing my little girl walking her baby doll in her little stroller.
Studley crapped on the road 4 times.  Yes, I picked it up- and tied the bag around his collar.


I rode Duke the horse last night without a saddle.  I said a prayer and held on to his mane for dear life. 


I am reading this book.  Love it.

Recent dinner time conversation
"Mom, have you always called girls privates a vajayjay?"
"Nope, I didn't know that word until a few years ago"
"What about penis'?  Have you always called it a wiener?
"Nope, we used to call it a winky woodle"
"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  You're weird Mom"
"Ya ya. Anyone want more veggies?"


Have a great night friends.

Mothers Day Gift Ideas Courtesy of Moi.

Mothers Day is coming up.
I am a Mother.
Many of the wonderful, spectacular, fantabulous humans who read this blog are Mothers.
So, I am going to be all nice and do some shopping for you.
Without actually purchasing the stuff.

And after reading this, all of you can get out your credit cards, click on the links below and purchase at least one of these fabulous items for me your Mother.

If I your Mother had one of these machines, she could pretty much create anything.  Vinyl cutouts and labels, tshirt decals, scrap booking layouts.  The possibilities are endless which makes the high price totally worth it.
And Mothers deserve something that is worth alot of $$$$ because they spend their lives cleaning up poop, vacuuming crumbs, preparing meals, chauffeuring the kidlets to endless programs, clipping toenails, refereeing fights.
You get the gist.

Silhouette

What Mother doesn't love jewellery?  And better yet, you can purchase it with their children's names/birthstones or any other meaningful saying.
I want one.
I mean..umm....it is the perfect gift.

Vintage Pearl

Camera bags are my newest obsession.  And when they are stylish, it makes me feel all tingly inside.
Just sayin'.
So if you bought me the Mothers in your life an Epiphanie bag, I know you might...OK definitely would make their day perfect.
Add in a sappy card and you are in the Will for sure.

Sorry, this picture sucks. Go to the website and tell them Momma sent you.  When they ask who Momma is, tell them that I am their biggest fan and they should send me a bag because I tell everyone I know about them.  Please and thank you.
Epiphanie

If we didn't have to purchase groceries and clothing for our children, this would be my number one splurge.
As well as every other item in this post.
But anyways, I am hoping to get into photography more and every picture I see edited using this program is a beauty.
I just wish you could bring an expert home to teach you how to use it!
So buy this for a Mother who loves taking pictures.  And throw in a class that teaches the program.

Lightroom

Add in a fancy shmancy camera strap for their fancy shmancy DSLR and you might just be their favourite person in the Universe.
But I am sure you already are.
This would just solidify the relationship.

Camera Strap

Other great gift ideas for the Mothers in your life
An endless supply of chocolate and pretty flowers
A magic potion to make cellulite disappear
A private dance lesson with Maksim
Or just hugs, kisses and unconditional love because that is what she wants the most.
A "Thank You for all of the work you do to make my life better" would be nice too.And World Peace.That isnt too much to ask for is it?????

Happy Shopping!

Go here to see MANY more gift ideas for the Mothers and Fathers in your life!

Momma. Personal Shopper .

Stop what you're doing. Momma has come through again and did some Valentine's Day shopping for you.

You're welcome.

As you know, my favourite place to shop is at Etsy.com. I am trying to convince them to provide some sort of points card so I can start getting discounts, but so far no luck.

Annnyways........just let your love know that their gift will be a little late.

Lets start with some artwork. Some Zombie Love Artwork. What wife wouldn't love a picture of bloody legs cut off at the knee?
At least the words are sweet.
Post a pic for me when it is up on the wall. Buy it here.

Now this scarf is a great conversation starter, don't ya think?
You know you want it. Go here.

The middle finger. It is all wrapped up in a cute lil' box for the one you love.
Go here to get the finger

What says love more than a tool to help your loved one kill himself by smoking? Ouch....
Cancer Stick Sold Here

A heart. Made out of poop. Fake poop made to look like real poop. Awwwwwwwww
Dog Poop Heart. Get it here.

Give your anatomically correct heart to the one you love. In a jar. They will treasure it forever.
This would be perfect for a doctor or nurse to display beside their other pickled body parts.
Heart in a Jar Sold Here
Give this card and your loved one will remember it forever.
Design Dude

It wouldn't be right for me to go shopping and not look at aprons. So I did and found this cute half apron. I take a medium. Thanks.
Apron sold here

And we cant forget the little munchkins. How about some underwear?????

Small Skivvies



Have a wonderful Valentine's Day my Loves!

Yes, there is such a thing as a Costco high

Because I get it.
At least once a week.
If I do not go to Costco once a week, I get the shakes.

I love it.
Everything about it.
Except how much money I spend there.

When I pull into the parking lot, I get excited.
Giddy.
As I get my cart and walk through the entrance, I breathe in the warehouse smell and smile.

There is nothing better.

The photocentre ladies know me by my first name.

And I am sure the many other employees talk about me in the staff room.
"She is here again?"
"Doesnt that lady have a life?"
"Did her family win the lottery or something?"

No, my friends we did not win the lottery.
No, I do not have a life.
And yes, I am here again.

And will be next week.
And the week after.
And the week after that.


So there.

Dear Fellow Christmas Shoppers

Hi.

You may have hit me with your cart or cut me off in aisle 10, or maybe even snuck in front of me while we were in line today, but it is ok. I forgive you. All 17 of you.

I am well aware that everyone is stressed out and rushed trying to get all of their shopping finished early so they can relax and enjoy the holidays but some of you are just taking it all a little too far.

You are rude.

And greedy.

And extremely inconsiderate of others.

For your information, that is not what the holiday season is about. It is about joy and kindness. Peace and harmony.

Try to remember that when you are playing bumper cars with the shopping carts because Santa is watching.

And I always win.
Love,

*Click on the button above to view more wonderful, fabulous letters.